So this is some dark humor but I am LOLING.
It was a really hard day for me and I’ve been sad and stressed and I hadn’t eaten because I deal with stress and sadness in destructive ways and I was walking home and I passed Boloco and I walked by and then stopped and told myself that I need to break this habit now before I go another day or two without eating. I had a big ol’ internal struggle but I did well, I went inside and ordered a burrito.
And when the guy handed me the burrito (I think he made me a size bigger than I asked for—also funny) he joked “Here you go, I hope you can finish it!”
And I laughed and laughed and laughed and he looked at me kinda funny and I laughed laughed laughed all the way back to my dorm.
Sick humor, I know, and probably not even that funny, but whatever keeps you going, right?
I just found my freshman year River story and I want to just explode about all the things I’m feeling.
- September 5, 1993. Boston, Massachusetts. Ashley Kara Goverman was born.
- GRANDMA: I talked to Judy the other day.
MOM: Oh, how’s Molly doing? Y’know, she has always reminded me of Ash. The have the same face. They have the same sparkle.
GRANDMA: They both touch your hand and look you in the eye, smile, and say “I’m so happy you’re here.”
MOM: And those dimples. So, how’s Molly?
GRANDMA: They’re taking her out of the hospital. She’s dying.
- Suffocated. Invasion. Frozen. Unwelcome. Used. Doll.
- For me, this was a time when I first fell in love with Nate.*
*And here, for one of the only times in my life—actually, for the only time in my life that I can remember—I completely blanked. I could not remember my words. I stood and stared stupidly at my class and they stared back at me and I said nothing. I lost all two hundred nineteen of the rest of the words I had orchestrated and memorized to express what I saw as one of the most beautiful things in my life.
I don’t really understand what was going on. I wish I had spoken on it.
- "Here’s To Us’ by Halestorm. In the car with Lindsay and Kayla.
We stuck it out this far together, put our dreams through the shredder
Let’s toast ‘cause things got better
And everything could change like that
And all these years go by so fast but
Nothing lasts forever.
Here’s to us, here’s to love, all the times that we fucked up
Here’s to you, fill the glass, ‘cause the last few nights have kicked my ass
If they give you hell, tell them go fuck themselves, here’s to us, here’s to us.
- When I look and listen back,
the water that I have come from seems all-encompassing.
The volume is incomprehensible; I have come from so much.
The river’s waves crash against each other and I am constantly splashed.
I remember to turn myself around
To look at the longer stretch of river going downstream.
I thought that what I had seen of the river contained all the water in the world,
But now I can see so much more curving
Just around the riverbend.
- April 25, 2013. Emerson College. Boston, Massachusetts. I am here in this room with all of you.
Page 1 of 724